Wedding ceremony readings, traditional inclusions, poems, psalms or guest participation

 "The secret to a successful and enduring marriage rests entirely upon both participants believing in, wishing for, and working toward the good of the other. If you have that, mostly, all will be well. Getting married, for me, was the best thing I ever did. I was suddenly beset with an immense sense of release, that we have something more important than our separate selves, and that is the marriage. There's immense happiness that can come from working towards that." - Nick Cave

There’s a lot of words spoken during your wedding ceremony to begin your marriage…some legal non negotiables, plus some personal highlights. When it’s said altogether the ceremony really comes to life to bring everyone along on the ride from where it all begin, to some wonderful highlights that got you to now, and then finally what your future together may look like.

Besides the formal & personal words, a great poem or reading has the power to express everything you’re feeling and experiencing. Song lyrics can do that too.

I’ve done wedding ceremonies where a friend/s of the couple who has known them both for as long as they’ve been together, comes up to share a little antidote with everyone. They were all equal parts sentimental and hilarious! But most importantly it felt real. The guests all loved it. Think of it like saving the speeches at the reception for family, and having a friend talk during the ceremony. It’s a different take but it can work wonderfully (not like a roast btw)

Think back on the weddings you’ve been to before. Was there something that stood out to you? Personally, I love it when couples bring their family traditions into the ceremony. It’s a wonderful way to honour their family heritage, traditions or country of birth.

Will you include readings, traditional inclusions, poems, Psalms or guest participation during your wedding ceremony?

If yes; let’s talk through a few ideas…

The most meaningful and respectful inclusion in Australia is a ‘Welcome to Country’

A Welcome to Country is an indigenous ceremony performed by a local Aboriginal person of significance, an elder from the community where your wedding ceremony will take place. The elder will acknowledge and give consent to events taking place on their traditional lands.

An indigenous dance to welcome in and close out the ceremony will always be powerful and emotive. Aboriginal dance is a way to show respect for culture, ancestors, past and present while on country.

Lauren & Jacob’s wedding on Cabarita Headland

 Poems

I know there are a lot of cheesy poems that are read in a plentyof wedding ceremonies, but unless that poem means a lot to you both, maybe try looking for something a little more unique. A little more you. Here a couple of my favourites…

All I Know About Love by Neil Gaiman

This is everything I have to tell you about love: nothing.
This is everything I've learned about marriage: nothing.

Only that the world out there is complicated,
and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,
and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,
is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,
and not to be alone.

It's not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it's what they mean.
Somebody's got your back.
Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn't want to rescue you
or send for the army to rescue them.

It's not two broken halves becoming one.
It's the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home
because home is wherever you are both together.

So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,
like a book without pages or a forest without trees.

Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.
Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.
Because nobody else's love, nobody else's marriage, is like yours,
and it's a road you can only learn by walking it,
a dance you cannot be taught,
a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.

And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,
not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.
And your hands will meet,
and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.

And that's all I know about love

For Now by Tracey Emin

Hurry


But do not hurry me,


Push


But do not push me,


Hold


But do not crush me’


Love


But do not change me


Let us stay the way we are

Devour


But do not consume me,


Thrill


But do not frighten me,


Excite


But do not scare me.


Teach


But do not change me


Let us learn from the way we are

Kiss


But do not smother me,


Embrace


But do not break me,


Adore


But do not suffocate me,


Love


Let me love you


Just the way you are………..

Psalms

 When choosing a Psalm, I ask my couples to consider what reading or verse will resonate the most with them and the vision for their marriage. 

I’m not a religious person & celebrant, so honestly, my knowledge of Psalms is pretty much zero. This is why I encourage you to invite a friend or family member to read your psalm during the ceremony; as they will speak your chosen words with love, emotion and authenticity. 

A popular bible reading is Corinthians 13:4 –

‘Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends’

 Guest participation

There are other ways to include friends or family in your ceremony, apart from reading something. There have been so many wonderful inclusions over the years that have made me laugh, cry and just feel very moved and engaged, but my favourite will always be something musical. It could be friends singing, playing the saxophone, acoustic guitar, sound healing or your local choir group!

Cameron’s brother, Alistair on Sax at the beginning of the ceremony to welcome in the guests

So in short, we can create the ceremony to look and feel exactly like you’d hoped it would with the help of a few special touches; plus a heartfelt, inclusive, non waffly script. There’s no right or wrong way to begin your marriage just a long as you stay true to your unique selves and your own beliefs and it will be the best it can be!

Sonny & Summer’s wedding had the greatest vibe ever! Their wonderful friend sang them down the aisle as everyone got up to dance. 10/10 ceremony

Fearne singing Pōkarekare Ana, a beautiful Māori love song

How to calm your nerves at your wedding ceremony

Some of my couples have said that they just want to get the ceremony over and done with because they just want to say as little as possible and quickly move onto party time because of how scared and anxious they’ll be. I get that, but I want you to change the way you’re thinking about the ceremony so it becomes the part you are looking forward to the most

Ask yourself…‘how do we want to feel on our wedding day?’

I think you’re answers could be - happy, excited, possibly anxious but still excited, ready, nervous, relieved, exhausted maybe?…. These are the feelings I also felt, so I want to share a few tips on how to alleviate the anxious and nervous feelings somewhat.

Nerves and fear are expected because this is our body responding to a entirely new situation where the build up and the expectations can feel very high. Embrace those feelings but allow yourself to get excited! It’s a celebration after all, not a solemn occasion (despite what “The Monitum” may say)

Think about the parts that may be giving you a sense of overwhelm…

• Walking down the aisle

• Waiting for your partner to arrive

• Saying personal vows in front of everyone

• Public display of affection

• Telling your story in front of friends and family (What to leave in or what to leave out)

• Family conflict affecting the day

Now I want to share a few suggestions to help with those parts of the ceremony….

Nathan Lapham Photography

Walking down the aisle

In most situations, one person will walk down the aisle as the other person waits at the end for you. Your celebrant or musician is playing a song during this time as you enter the ceremony space. Your heart is racing and you’re frantically rubbing the roof of your mouth with your tongue to stop the tears from coming down! Everyone is quietly looking on and vibing your song choice as you make your way down to your love. This is lovely, and it’s the most common entrance chosen by couples because it’s the way it’s always been done. But what if you treated this moment a little differently?

What if you channeled that nervous energy and let it work for you, not against you.

What if you actively embraced the electric energy you two have created just by being there and willingly sharing your love story with the ones you love all there to celebrate you!

We can do this by letting people know at the very beginning that it’s okay to clap and cheer when you both arrive and throughout the day. I strongly encourage this because I want everyone to smile, hug and high five you as you each walk in!

First thing to do is to choose the song you want to hear. It doesn’t have to be a romantic love song, it can be any song at all. I have plenty of suggestions on my wedding playlist but you do you.

Secondly, think about picking an aisle song each

Meaning; one person and their wedding party will walk in first, followed by person two with their wedding party.

By doing it this way you avoid having one very nervous person standing there at the end of the aisle with everyone closely watching to see if they’ll crack. Instead; both of you will get a rapturous entrance that really sets the vibes high! So fun

If you’re worried your walk in will be slightly diminished and you’ll miss the quiet romance of that first look, don’t be. You’ll never regret how happy you felt seeing your love and listening to the sounds of celebration all around you. It’s the perfect way to start the your day on a high. There will be plenty of time during the ceremony within your vows/ personal story for the sentiment and emotions to come through and shine. Tears are guaranteed to flow from your family in the front row as you both hear about the key moments that got you from then to now.

Nathan Lapham Photography

Waiting for your partner to arrive

If only one person does the walk down the aisle, then that leaves the other one there waiting for you to arrive. This can definitely make you feel anxious and nervous. One way to fill those awkward minutes while we wait is to ask the person waiting to introduce his/her/their wedding party. I always love how chatty they become whilst holding the microphone! It’s hilarious and heart warming and before you know we are ready to begin

Lauren Joy Photography

Saying personal vows in front of everyone

If the mere thought of saying personal vows in front of everyone is already give you anxiety, then rethink how you approach this.

You could skip them altogether (you aren’t legally obligated to say personal vows)

Or say just a few lines along with your compulsory legal sentence (the sentence you say to make your marriage legally valid in Australia)

Say your personal vows before or after the ceremony, when it’s just the two of you. You could then leave the palm cards, vow book or letters that contain the vows on the signing table at the reception. This way everyone can read them if they’d like too.

If you’re worried that you’ll lose the personal touch by minimising the vows, then don’t be because your celebrant can add some lovely personal words on your behalf when they are telling your story in front of friends and family. The questionnaire you fill in, and the stories you’ve shared with me during the planning phase will help me with this.

Public displays of affection

There are so many reasons why couples aren’t wanting to show a lot of affection during the ceremony, and your people will understand and know this about you two so don’t worry. You can cuddle and kiss at will when you are in your own little private space. Just do you at all times - no judgement

Family conflict

This can be a tricky one for you to navigate when thinking of families or friends who aren’t on the best of terms. Seat warring people away from each other. Maybe surround then with peacemakers and a little space. Hopefully they just keep emotion out of the situation and be on best behaviour at all times. If it’s your parents who don’t get along then think about delegating small jobs to all of them to keep them busy, and most importantly to make each of them feel valued.

Best case scenario will be that everyone there will put their conflicts to the side and focus on the reason why they are there. Worst case… umm let’s just focus on best case!

I hope these ideas help you and if you have any other tips then please feel free to let me know

C x

Aleisha Edwards Photography