"The secret to a successful and enduring marriage rests entirely upon both participants believing in, wishing for, and working toward the good of the other. If you have that, mostly, all will be well. Getting married, for me, was the best thing I ever did. I was suddenly beset with an immense sense of release, that we have something more important than our separate selves, and that is the marriage. There's immense happiness that can come from working towards that." - Nick Cave

There’s a lot of words spoken during your wedding ceremony to begin your marriage…some legal non negotiables, plus some personal highlights. When it’s said altogether the ceremony really comes to life to bring everyone along on the ride from where it all begin, to some wonderful highlights that got you to now, and then finally what your future together may look like.

Besides the formal & personal words, a great poem or reading has the power to express everything you’re feeling and experiencing. Song lyrics can do that too.

I’ve done wedding ceremonies where a friend/s of the couple who has known them both for as long as they’ve been together, comes up to share a little antidote with everyone. They were all equal parts sentimental and hilarious! But most importantly it felt real. The guests all loved it. Think of it like saving the speeches at the reception for family, and having a friend talk during the ceremony. It’s a different take but it can work wonderfully (not like a roast btw)

Think back on the weddings you’ve been to before. Was there something that stood out to you? Personally, I love it when couples bring their family traditions into the ceremony. It’s a wonderful way to honour their family heritage, traditions or country of birth.

Will you include readings, traditional inclusions, poems, Psalms or guest participation during your wedding ceremony?

If yes; let’s talk through a few ideas…

The most meaningful and respectful inclusion in Australia is a ‘Welcome to Country’

A Welcome to Country is an indigenous ceremony performed by a local Aboriginal person of significance, an elder from the community where your wedding ceremony will take place. The elder will acknowledge and give consent to events taking place on their traditional lands.

An indigenous dance to welcome in and close out the ceremony will always be powerful and emotive. Aboriginal dance is a way to show respect for culture, ancestors, past and present while on country.

Lauren & Jacob’s wedding on Cabarita Headland

Poems

I know there are a lot of cheesy poems that are read in a plentyof wedding ceremonies, but unless that poem means a lot to you both, maybe try looking for something a little more unique. A little more you. Here a couple of my favourites…

All I Know About Love by Neil Gaiman

This is everything I have to tell you about love: nothing.
This is everything I've learned about marriage: nothing.

Only that the world out there is complicated,
and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,
and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,
is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,
and not to be alone.

It's not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it's what they mean.
Somebody's got your back.
Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn't want to rescue you
or send for the army to rescue them.

It's not two broken halves becoming one.
It's the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home
because home is wherever you are both together.

So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,
like a book without pages or a forest without trees.

Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.
Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.
Because nobody else's love, nobody else's marriage, is like yours,
and it's a road you can only learn by walking it,
a dance you cannot be taught,
a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.

And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,
not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.
And your hands will meet,
and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.

And that's all I know about love

For Now by Tracey Emin

Hurry 

But do not hurry me, 

Push

 But do not push me,

 Hold

 But do not crush me’

 Love

 But do not change me

 Let us stay the way we are

Devour 

But do not consume me, 

Thrill

 But do not frighten me, 

Excite 

But do not scare me. 

Teach 

But do not change me

 Let us learn from the way we are

Kiss 

But do not smother me, 

Embrace 

But do not break me, 

Adore

 But do not suffocate me, 

Love

 Let me love you 

Just the way you are………..

Psalms

When choosing a Psalm, I ask my couples to consider what reading or verse will resonate the most with them and the vision for their marriage.

I’m not a religious person & celebrant, so honestly, my knowledge of Psalms is pretty much zero. This is why I encourage you to invite a friend or family member to read your psalm during the ceremony; as they will speak your chosen words with love, emotion and authenticity.

A popular bible reading is Corinthians 13:4 –

‘Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends’

Guest participation

There are other ways to include friends or family in your ceremony, apart from reading something. There have been so many wonderful inclusions over the years that have made me laugh, cry and just feel very moved and engaged, but my favourite will always be something musical. It could be friends singing, playing the saxophone, acoustic guitar, sound healing or your local choir group!

Cameron’s brother, Alistair on Sax at the beginning of the ceremony to welcome in the guests

So in short, we can create the ceremony to look and feel exactly like you’d hoped it would with the help of a few special touches; plus a heartfelt, inclusive, non waffly script. There’s no right or wrong way to begin your marriage just a long as you stay true to your unique selves and your own beliefs and it will be the best it can be!